


death of a bachelor

by localopa



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Happy Ending, IT'S A FAKE ENGAGEMENT, M/M, fake engagement, marriage fic, surprise motherfuckers it ain't just a fake relationship, take a shot every time i didn't care while writing this story, technically????, wow another fake relationship story, wow oliver you're so original
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 09:40:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12528444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/localopa/pseuds/localopa
Summary: okay, first of all, fuck martyn and cornelia. if it weren't for them, they wouldn't be in this situation. second of all, fuck phil because he thinks the solution to everything is marriage. third of all, fuck dan because why not get your heart broken?(in which phil is 30, thinks marriage is a competition, and drags dan into a horrible idea.)





	death of a bachelor

**Author's Note:**

> what’s up, it’s ya boy, oliver. back at it again with a pbb fic to blow your mind. it probably won’t. this fic has many firsts: this is my first ever pbb fic, this is the first time i’ve written over 16k for a one shot fic, and it’s my first fic where i had the title before i even wrote a single word.  
> i’m still mad at myself for writing a marriage fic. oh, spoiler alert, it’s a fake relationship marriage fic. i have some thanks to give out so…  
> maddie: i’m sorry that i treated every check in like it was a yelp review. in my defense, rachel needs those yelp reviews.  
> rachel larosas: you suck. i hate you. (just kidding thank you for being my beta and letting me scream at you about how much i hate dan and phil or how mad i am at them for something i wrote.) (follow her on tumblr @botanistlester  
> jess: at least you accepted your role as omega in our group. (your art makes me v happy and you are the greatest little queer person to ever get kicked out of a christian school. thank you so much for all the art you created and i will keep writing bad reviews on your old school’s yelp.) (follow them on tumblr @shibehxwell)  
> spotify: i listened to a lot of weird ass shit while writing this and it's only between us now. thanks for keeping my secret.  
> ellen: i stole songs from your playlist for your fic for my own, and you were the one who was most excited about it. so slight dedication to you, and thank you for inspiring me to write heart wrenching shit. (follow her on tumblr @danfanciesphil)  
> the title of this lovely piece of history is from “death of a bachelor” by panic! at the disco. enjoy the gay.
> 
> xx. oliver

  
  


phil starts regretting his decision of saying he’s engaged to his best friend when he finds himself in a jewelry shop in  _ who knows _ , florida, hidden away from his family. he’s exhausted, it’s the middle of the night, and he’s looking for a ring instead of sleeping. he’s trying to find an engagement ring that he could give dan when he comes home and can tell him about his asinine plan, hopefully convincing him to just go along with it. the salesperson keeps directing him towards the more  _ feminine _ engagement rings, refers to dan as  _ she _ , and, honestly, this is the worst choice phil’s ever made. he just wants to buy a ring and get out before his family notices where he’s gone.

 

it’s their fault that he’s even in this situation. or, really, it’s martyn and his girlfriend’s fault.

 

it started when they were at dinner the previous night, sitting around the table of a local restaurant when his parents started asking about phil’s decision to move with dan  _ again. _

 

“we needed more room; you saw how crowded the old flat looked.” phil took a drink, setting the glass down. “we’re upset that we can’t get a dog yet, but we’re still planning on buying a house at some point.” he gives a noncommittal shrug. he’s talked about this hundreds of times with other friends and they all seem to understand. 

 

his parents shared a concerned look, his father speaking for the both of them. “shouldn’t you be in a place of your own?”

 

“what do you mean?” phil laughed nervously, playing with the condensation on the side of his glass. he already knew where this conversation was going. “you know that i’m happy where i am.”

 

“what your father means is-,” his mother placed a hand in front of her husband, stopping him from replying, “-you’re not really getting any younger. look at martyn - he’s almost a done deal with cornelia.”

 

“please don’t bring me into this.”

 

“now, martyn, it’s true. you’ve been with her for so long that you’re already settled down. phil doesn’t even have anyone.”

 

phil was fidgeting in his seat, not making eye contact with anyone at the table. they all kept talking about phil like he wasn’t even there, seemingly judging him because he’s 30, single, and completely fine with still living with his best friend. had they all forgotten that they were also business partners? martyn even works with them! there was an uneasy feeling bubbling up inside of him, his leg bouncing so much that it didn’t feel real anymore. it wasn’t only that they were nearly insulting him, but also dan by extension. they both wanted to live with each other still, were both still content with their flatmate that they didn’t want try and find new ones. it was easier for them, anyways, they’re so intertwined to the point where you invite one and expect both to show up.

 

maybe that’s what possessed phil to say what he did, now landing him in a jewelry store, desperately trying to save his own ass.

 

“i’m actually engaged,” phil blurted out, looking past his mum to try and keep his composure.

 

“what?” his mother looked at her son like he’d finally lost it. “i’m sorry, maybe my hearing’s starting to go. you’re what?”

 

“i’m engaged,” phil tried to be as casual and calm as possible.  _ what the fuck am i saying? _

 

“you’re engaged,” his mother parrots, testing the word in her mouth. “who would you even be engaged to? you haven’t been with anyone for years.”

 

phil feels like he’s fucked up in the worst way possible. he’s  _ lying _ to his parents and brother about being engaged and he doesn’t even know who he’d be fake engaged to. he stays quiet for a while, his eyes drifting towards the center of the table while he feels all the eyes on him. nobody else talks while they wait for an answer.

 

the worst part is that phil feels like he’s a failure because he hasn’t settled down at his age. he lives with his best friend that’s four years younger than he is and neither plan on even stopping anything. what they have is something good. they’re two single lads who have the same interests, and they’re content with how their lives are. they have good lives, he and dan.

 

wait. 

 

_ dan!  _

 

“i’ve been with dan for quite a while,” the casual name drop makes martyn choke on his food, coughing to try and cover it up. “we’ve just kept it hidden, you know?”  _ what is he doing!? _

 

“what?!” martyn looks at his brother, bewildered, not understanding how he had worked so close with them and not known.

 

“i think what your brother is trying to say is that he’s happy for you.” no, that’s most definitely  _ not  _ what martyn is trying to say, but nice save, mum. “why didn’t you tell us sooner?”

 

“we were worried about breaking up and it maybe coming out,” phil shrugs, finding it easy just to lie. “but we’ve been together for quite some time, like i’ve said. every time we thought of telling you guys, something came up.”

 

the rest of the dinner digs phil deeper and deeper into the hole he had put himself in, apologizing profusely when he said they’ve been together since the day they met in real life. the longer the dinner goes, the easier phil finds it easy to make up this fake relationship. it’s convenient that they’ve lived together for so long, it really helps their - really,  _ his _ \- case. at the end, the family tells him that they’re happy for him. he’s getting weird glances from martyn, but the important part is that they  _ believe  _ him.

 

after dinner, phil googles a 24 hour jewelry store, desperate to find something for when they eventually meet up with his parents again. which brings them back to where phil is now, trying to escape the probably homophobic salesperson, his money burning his thigh to make him hurry up. none of the rings don’t scream  _ dan _ at him, and it’s nearing one in the morning and he’s afraid that he’s never going to find one. the salesperson seems to leave him alone, finally catching on that she’s really not a huge help to him at all. he’s really thankful for the help, but there’s only so many times that he can say he’s  _ gay _ before he loses his patience.

 

phil’s on his third round of looking through the cases of rings when he finally finds something close to what he thinks dan would like. the rings in the case are of a monochrome aesthetic, something that immediately draws him in. even though dan tends to lean towards colors other than just black nowadays, he knows his best friend would appreciate the thought of it. his stopping makes the salesperson come over to him, but maybe he’d actually find something in this case, so he doesn’t let it bother him too much.

 

“you need help finding something in here?” her name tag reads nancy and, the way she’s talking now, she doesn’t seem as forward as she had before. “you’ve been in here for quite a while. your partner must be difficult to shop for.”

 

he appreciates the gender neutral term, they’ve seemingly gotten to a middle ground at last. he finds himself nodding to what nancy said, shifting from one foot to another. “yeah, he has a particular taste...” he trails off, gesturing with his hand.

 

“so you don’t want to propose with the wrong ring?” nancy supplies, giving him a knowing smile. “must be really gone for him if you’re this worried about a ring.”

 

phil doesn’t answer, gnawing on his lower lip instead. he  _ does  _ love dan, but not in that way. still, he’s in a jewelry shop trying to find an engagement ring for his best friend he’s not even  _ with _ . he nods eventually, he might as well get used to these kinds of questions anyway.

 

“do you mind showing me a picture of him? maybe i could help you find a ring better if i see him,” nancy seems to have done a 180 from how they first met, smiling genuinely for the first time since he walked into the store. “i know we got on the wrong foot when you first got here, but i’m truly here to help.”

 

the best part of nancy is she doesn’t seem to know who phil is, maybe it’s because dan isn’t here next to him, but he feels safe in showing her a picture of him. he pulls out his phone, scrolling through his phone to a picture of the both of them. they took it before phil left on holiday- well, phil secretly took it before he left. his head was in dan’s lap, his glasses askew, dan’s fingers in his hair. the picture was mostly of dan, the bottom part you could see phil’s cheek and glasses. dan was lost in whatever they were watching and, frankly, he looked incredibly adorable.

 

out of the millions of pictures of dan he’s taken, it’s probably phil’s favorite.

 

when he turned his phone towards nancy, her expression softened. to her, it felt like she was invading on a moment she shouldn’t be seeing, but she appreciated it nonetheless. she still doesn’t seem to recognize them, which helps a lot for phil. the last thing he wants is a fan spreading that he was buying an engagement ring.

 

“he’s cute,” nancy breaks phil’s train of thought, handing the phone back. “what’s his name?”

 

“dan,” phil pockets his phone, looking up to her. “been with him since late 2009.” he finds that the lie comes easier this time, which freaks him out slightly.

 

nancy whistles at that. “you’ve been together almost 8 years and you’re just now proposing? dan must be something special.”

 

phil replies with a quiet “yeah” before shifting his eyes back down to the case. he can feel himself blush, which he doesn’t understand why. he’s nowhere near in love with dan, he’s using him to make it seem like he’s settled down. they’re just best friends. he’s doing this because of his family, he wants to give the illusion of being settled down, and dan’s just on the unfortunate ride.

 

while phil’s stuck in his head, nancy pulls out a couple of rings and set them in front of him. she looks up to him, smiling. “i think one of these might be the one.”

 

the first ring is completely black, save for one small diamond. the middle of the ring is raised and looks to be made of wood while the rest of the ring is a clean black metal. he likes it, but the one diamond thing is his dealbreaker.

 

the second ring is much like the last one, all black metal save for three diamonds now. the entire ring is made of black metal, which is closer to what he thinks dan wants. the three diamonds are surrounded by silver and are at an angle, like the ring had a sash. it’s pretty, he can imagine himself proposing to someone with this ring. the sash of diamonds doesn’t seem like a dan thing, so he sets it back on the case.

 

the third ring, he almost chooses. it’s a silver band, but engraved on it is a black forest. from an aesthetic standpoint, dan would love it. he sets this one aside, planning on shelling out whatever kind of money to buy the ring.

 

phil is about to tell nancy he wants to buy the forest ring when he sees the fourth ring, and he’s sold from that moment. like the forest ring, it’s a silver band and that’s where the similarities end. there’s two rows of diamonds surround by black on either side of the center diamond. in between the black rows, there’s more diamonds, all leading up to the center. what sells this ring for him is the center diamond. it’s completely black, and the entire thing is just so beautiful that he needs to buy it for dan. even if he rejects him, phil will be giving dan this ring.

 

it’s now 1:30 in the morning and phil’s frozen staring at this beautiful ring. he can’t believe he’s actually  _ doing _ it. he tells nancy that he’ll take it, and she smiles as she rings him up. phil leaves the shop after saying goodbye to nancy and his wallet feeling a little lighter. he feels better now that he has the ring; it makes it seem almost real. despite not even knowing what dan’s answer will be, phil’s feeling like someone who’s really about to get engaged.

 

it takes a while for phil to find a taxi at this hour, showing back up at their family vacation house somewhere between 2:30 and 3 in the morning. he feels almost drunk on love despite not being in love, knocking into stuff as he walks up the stairs. he’s trying to be quiet, but it’s hard when he’s just  _ happy.  _

 

phil thinks he sees martyn on his way to his room, but he brushes it off as his eyes playing tricks on him and having his contacts in too long. when he finally starts getting ready for bed, he stuff the bag with the ring in it into his suitcase, making sure nobody will find it. he falls asleep with a smile on his face, a lot happier than when he was at dinner.

 

step one of his plan to marry dan has been completed. he only wishes that step two will just as easy as the first one.

 

-

 

“well, at least you didn’t buy a ring, right?” dan’s laughter breaks the awkward tension that phil’s put them in since they got home, a hand thrown over his stomach like this is the most hilarious thing he’s ever heard. his eyes crinkled as he looked back to his best friend, his hand dropping to the side. “you didn’t buy a ring, right?”

 

honestly, what had phil been expecting when he was going to tell him? he’s been in a constant of anxiety since getting off the plane, the usual smile on his face when he saw dan wasn’t as big and bright as previous times. it was so easy to pick up on the fact something was off between the two. the cab ride was quiet, phil’s leg bouncing the entire time, bottom lip stuck between his teeth as he watched life pass him by out the window. dan tried to strike up a conversation, not having seen his flatmate since leaving the family holiday to go back home, but it was useless. phil was stuck in his head for one reason or another. he’d just have to try again once they’re home.

 

it didn’t take long for phil to spill what was wrong.

 

they had just gotten through the door, dan, being the gentleman as he is, carrying phil’s suitcase up to his room. dan lugged the suitcase onto the bed, making sure to not hit phil in the process, sitting down on the other side of it. the silence that followed was normal for them, especially when one comes back from holiday. it was a moment for them to collect their thoughts before telling the other about what they’ve been up to. it didn’t take long before phil broke off the moment.

 

“i told my family i’m engaged,” phil gets out quickly, looking down at the ground. it’s reminding him of when he told his parents in the first place, this time he didn’t have a glass to fidget with. 

 

“you did what?” dan looks over at him, the same baffled expression martyn had. 

 

“the dinner after you and cornelia left,” phil swallows, “my mum and dad started asking me about when i was going to settle down. because a thirty year old shouldn’t still be living with his best friend. they told me that i should’ve gotten my own place, didn’t think once of what i wanted.” phil starts playing with his own fingers, something to keep himself grounded. “then they threw martyn and cornelia in my face! like ‘look at your older brother! why can’t you be settled down like him?’”

 

“i still don’t understand why you had to tell them that you were engaged.”

 

phil shrugs. “felt the need to somehow one up my brother. and then they asked me who i was engaged to, because i haven’t dated anyone in fore-”

 

“you better not have told them it was me,” dan mutters, shaking his head before seeing the look on phil’s face. “you told them you were engaged to me?!”   
  
“oh, come on, who else could i say it was?! it would look a little funny if i said i was engaged to someone like louise and just moved to a new place with my best friend,” phil huffs, crossing his arms over his stomach. “but i told them that we were engaged, and we just didn’t tell anyone.”

 

“so, how long have we’ve supposedly been together?”

 

“2009, said we started dating the day we met.”

 

dan gets off the bed at that, starting to pace the room. it’s something he did to calm himself down. usually while phil heard him when they were in their old flat, he’s never seen him do it in front of him. “but why me? besides how convenient it is that we’ve lived together for so long.”

 

“i spend the majority of my time with you anyway, we’re pretty much married anyway with our brand. we even have a joint bank account, most bros don’t have that,” phil looked up to dan, chewing his lip again. “it just made  _ sense _ that if i were to be engaged to anyone, it would be you. it’s like you said, convenience.”

 

dan seems to be satisfied with the answer, stopping in the middle of the room. “well, at least you didn’t buy a ring, right?” his laughter fills the room and stabs phil in the heart. how could this be his reaction? “you didn’t buy a ring, right?” phil averts his eyes, and dan already knows. “ _ phil!  _ you absolute idiot!”

 

“what else was i supposed to do?! come home and tell my parents i was lying to them?” 

 

“yes! that’s exactly what you do in this situation! what even makes you think i would even go along with this? you dug this hole yourself, i don’t want to go down with you.”

 

phil’s never seen dan this irate before. they don’t get into many fights that get like this, usually small domestic arguments like who’s cooking dinner. dan’s cheeks are red with anger and his fists are clenched at his side.  _ why  _ did phil think he’d go along with this? he should’ve expected this reaction from him.

 

“because you love me.” it slips out before phil has time to catch it. they don’t play the  _ we’re best friends and we love each other  _ card often, only in extreme situations.

 

well, this is probably as extreme as it gets.

 

the words freeze dan in his place, the angry red turning into a mushy one instead. It’s a low blow on phil’s part, he knows that if he ever says it, dan’s putty in his hands. he’d go along with whatever heinous plan phil comes up with, and he almost always has to suffer the consequences. it’s even worse when he’s so wrapped around his best friend’s finger that people think he’s in love with him.

 

which, of course, he isn’t. that’d be so stupid and cliche. dan’s never been in love with his best friend ever. even if he was, it’s too bad that phil’s never seen him in that way anyways. he’d get his heart broken the minute he said anything about it. he’s not in love with phil.

 

(dan, later that night, would listen to any and all sad songs he could find. he’d lay in his bed, staring at his ceiling and try to stop the running thoughts in his head about how absolutely, head over heels in love he is with his best friend.  _ friends  _ by ed sheeran starts playing, and that’s when the silent tears start rolling down his face. he hugs himself closer, turning his body towards the wall and the tears turn into sobs. his whole body shakes and he doesn’t understand why he continues to do this to himself.

 

unrequited love is the worst feeling in the world, dan concludes, bringing his legs up to his chest and hugs them close. he won’t admit this is how he fell asleep,  _ how long will you love me  _ by ellie goulding singing him to slumber.)

 

when dan doesn’t say anything, phil takes the opportunity to rummage through his luggage to find the ring box. it takes him a little longer than he thought it would, almost completely forgetting where he put it in his suitcase. when he does find it, he gets off the bed, kneeling down on one knee and looking up to dan.

 

“we’re not together, but we’re a team. so please, can you marry me?” phil has this look on his face like he’s desperate, like he needs dan to say yes.

 

dan’s mouth hangs open for a long minute, the answer caught in his throat. it’s not every day that your best friend asks you to marry him, despite both of you being single as all hell. before he can process everything, his head is nodding without permission and suddenly everything starts to catch up with him. phil’s smile is blinding, his eyes dropping to the ground as he gets up. he still hasn’t opened the box yet, but he hugs dan close to him, whispering thank yous and other lovely things into his ear. 

 

dan pushes down the bubbling feeling of wishing it were real. he’s not in love with phil.

 

phil opens the box and dan’s breath actually catches at the sight of it. how can his best friend have picked out such a beautiful ring for someone like him? it doesn’t seem possible, how did he get so lucky to have phil?

 

the ring is slipped onto dan’s hand, and both of them look up to each other. in a perfect world, this is where they would kiss, phil breaking apart from him to tell him how much he loves him. the smile seems to be of that caliber, but it’s not a perfect world. phil does kiss him, but on his forehead, and then pulls him into another hug. dan has to shake himself out of his mind again before hugging him back.

 

everything’s going to be fine.

 

(he wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, the playlist on spotify has stopped playing. he glances over at the clock, it’s 3 in the morning and dan can’t sleep properly. his left ring finger feels heavier than normal, and then he remembers the ring is there. in the midst of feeling sorry for himself, he hadn’t taken it off. he pushes himself to his headboard, leaning against it and sighing. 

 

everything is not going to be fine.

 

tears have already dried to his cheeks, leaving them sticky. dan turns the playlist back on, leaning his head back against the wall as he tries to not to cry again. his left hand pushes his hair back, and in the low light, a glint of one of the diamonds catches his eyes. the ring is taunting him. he wants what the ring is  _ supposed _ to represent to be real. at this hour, he admits to himself he wants phil in all the ways you’d want a lover. this stupid fucking ring is just a reminder that his best friend is only doing this to save his own ass. he wants to take off the ring, wants to throw it across the room and never see it again. he wants to call this whole thing off. he doesn’t want to have to suffer like this.

 

a shaky right hand moves to do this, but stops when  _ what a catch, donnie  _ by fall out boy comes through the speakers. this starts the tears again, and dan could laugh at how he’s acting right now. he’s not some heartbroken teenager, phil’s not some old boyfriend whose fingertips are now a ghost to his body. he’s in love with his best friend. his best friend isn’t in love with him. it’s one of those things where, if he were to believe in god, he would be laughing at him right now.

 

in the end, dan doesn’t take the ring off. he doesn’t decide to call this whole thing off. this is probably the closest he’s ever going to get to having phil love him in the way he wants. and even if it’s fake and all for show, all for his parents to get off his back, then dan’s willing to break his heart further to make his best friend the happiest he can be.)

 

-

 

the last thing dan howell wanted to do was be up north with phil, talking to his family about how they’re engaged and they’re  _ happy.  _ dan is most certainly  _ not _ happy, but he puts on a face for phil’s sake. he’s the one who got them into this mess. he’s the one who had to save his own ass and drag his best friend into it.

 

and yet, dan howell finds himself crammed on a couch between phil and martyn, squished together like a bunch of sardines, and taking liberal sips of his ribena.

 

it honestly could be a lot worse. 

 

(it could be like the previous night, where dan cried himself to sleep listening to the same playlist he did after phil had told him. the knowledge of him going back home with phil because his parents wanted to see the new happy couple was killing him on the inside. phil was only doing this because he’s dug himself too deep of a hole, not because he’s in love with him or because he wants to with him. it’s out of convenience, they’ve lived together so long that even their  _ fans  _ think they’re together. 

 

dan’s never cried so much in his life, not even when they fought so much in 2012.  _ i’m not in love  _ by 10cc comes on and a new wave of sobbing comes over him. how hasn’t phil been woken up by this? how hadn’t he known that he’s so desperately in love with him that this fake engagement is tearing him apart from the inside?

 

if phil knew that he cried himself to sleep every night, he would call this off. but he doesn’t know, he ignores the way dan wakes up with red rimmed eyes, much more tired he is than when he went to bed. he only cares about appearing engaged and happy to his family, to get one up on his brother. 

 

phil doesn’t care about dan; that’s the conclusion he’s come to.)

 

phil squeezes dan’s thigh to get his attention, his head snapping up to him. he nods his head towards his parents, dan shifting his gaze over to them. they have huge smiles plastered on their faces, trying to make dan feel as welcomed as they possibly could. there’s another squeeze to his thigh, and he looks back at phil with a confused look.

 

“they asked to see the ring,” phil mumbles, his eyebrows furrowing with concern.

 

dan recovers, sticking his hand out towards phil’s parents like a normal bride would. he forces himself to smile, none of his teeth showing, but he needs to look happy. they grab his hand, pulling him forward off of the couch and causing his drink to spill. nobody but dan seemed to care that ribena is now all over his crotch.

 

“phil! this ring is gorgeous!” his mum covered her mouth with her hand, holding back tears now that she’s seen the ring. “i can’t believe my baby is actually getting married!”

 

phil’s father is much gentler with him, letting him sit back in his seat before he looks at it. he agrees with his wife, telling phil he did a nice job of picking out a ring. martyn’s next, though he doesn’t seem to want to be squished on the couch either, and is more mad that dan is back on it. he mumbles out a praise towards phil, complementing dan’s hand before giving it back to its owner. dan agrees with martyn’s attitude right now, he’d rather be anywhere else but here.

 

“so, what’s the story? how did my baby propose to you?”

 

dan’s stomach sinks. they never talked about this, they didn’t have a plan. in fact, dan fucking  _ told  _ phil that this was going to be an issue when he first said they were going up there. but no, of course his own parents wouldn’t want to know how they got engaged! What a silly thought, dan.

 

who’s laughing now?

 

“singapore,” phil starts, looking over to dan and grabbing his hand, lacing their fingers together. “we were at the aquarium there and dan had wanted his picture taken in front of the fish. i had had the ring in my pocket since we left the airport after we landed, and i knew i wanted to propose there. so, dan turned around to tell me to get his picture, posing with them and i just remember thinking how in love i was with him and how gorgeous he looked in that moment. when he turned around, i had already gotten down on one knee and the box was out. dan nearly cried right then. the rest is history.” phil smiles once he’s done, leaning over to kiss dan’s cheek.

 

  1. i guess it’s dan who’s laughing.



 

phil pulls out his phone, opening up instagram and pulling up the picture of dan from his account. “he said that he saw other people doing the pose so he did it, too. little did he know that he’d be engaged afterwards.” he hands his phone over to his parents, letting them coo over how cute their engagement story is.

 

(“you couldn’t have just said that you proposed at home!? you just  _ had  _ to pull the extra romance card, didn’t you?” dan is laying face up on the guest room bed, dragging his hands over his face.

 

“i had to beat martyn! there’s no way that he can top that!” phil is pacing at the end of the bed. he’s just dug his hole deeper.

 

“you absolute fucking idiot, jesus fucking.  _ proposals aren’t about competing with your older brother, phil. _ ”

 

“that’s easy for you to say! you’re the older brother!”

 

“yes, but i highly doubt my kid brother would try and fake an engagement because i’m supposedly getting married.”

 

dan hears phil stopping his pacing, followed by a long sigh. “look, i know how much of a hopeless romantic my parents are. it was either the singapore story or i said we were unpacking in our new flat and made you unpack your own engagement ring.”

 

since when did their lives start sounding like they’re straight out of a phanfiction?)

 

“oh! you know what we should do, dear?” dan hears phil’s mum say. “we should call ophelia!”

 

who the  _ fuck  _ is ophelia?

 

“are you talking about ophelia birdie?” martyn seems to actually be a person and interested now, sitting up in his seat and leaning closer to his parents. “your wedding planner friend?”

 

(“they have a wedding planner friend, phil!”

 

“i didn’t  _ know _ they had a wedding planner friend, dan! i swear to god!”)

 

phil’s mum nods her head excitedly, clapping her hands together. “yes! ophelia can your wedding planner!”

 

(“i swear to god, phil. how the  _ fuck  _ are you going to dig yourself out of this?”

 

“me?! are you backing out of this?”

 

“oh, no. i'm going to marry you and then divorce you so i can take the whole flat. i think that'll be enough for how your parents are just  _ fucking my ass _ with their  _ wedding planner friend.”) _

 

dan pales, this is really happening. he’s going to marry his best friend in order to save his ass. there’s no way to get out of it. he’s fucked, royally fucked. why did he agree to this? he knew this was a bad idea from the beginning, why didn’t he listen to himself a month ago?

 

phil fucking gets in later that night when the rest of the family is asleep. dan’s going to tear him a new asshole. 

 

“this is, by far, the dumbest and worst thing you’ve ever talked me into,” dan falls back onto the bed, palms pressed into his eyes. “i should’ve said no, i should’ve just let you dig yourself out of this. and now you’ve dragged me into this.”

 

“it’s not that bad, da-”

 

“yes, it fucking is, phil!” dan’s hands fly off of his eyes, staring phil down. “first of all, you tell your family you’re engaged when we both know you haven’t dated since before we met. next, you actually buy a goddamn ring because you knew i couldn’t say no to you. you’ve turned this whole engagement into a nonexistent competition with martyn. who,  _ by the way _ , ISN’T EVEN ENGAGED.”

 

phil’s quiet, because he knows dan is right. he's always right when he makes bad decisions. martyn isn't even planning on getting married for another 5 years, maybe, who knows, mum’ll pester him. and now phil’s gone and one upped his older brother because he's single and lonely and still lives with his best friend. 

 

he's done fucked up, to put it lightly.

 

phil pushes the heels of his hand into his eyes, his contacts hurting, but right now he couldn't give a shit. he deserves the pain, he deserves anything that comes to him. in reality, he should break the news to his parents. he should tell them that this is all a ruse, that he and dan aren't engaged, they're just really fucking good platonic best friends who love living together even though he's 30 goddamn years old. who the fuck even does that? phil should have a wife and a kid on the way and instead he has dan, two books, an app, and an entire brand based on their friendship. 

 

okay, the latter sounds way more fun, sort of, but that's not the point. the point is phil is fucked up for trying to lie to his parents and dragging dan down into this. 

 

the bed dips and arms are wrapped around phil and this is about the time that phil finally notices that tears were slipping out of his eyes. his body is shaking; it's the silent crying that comes when he's the most stressed. dan’s really been the only one to have ever seen it, writing their first book, it came out a lot. and he feels bad, he's the reason why phil’s crying and there's really only one thing he can do, and it's not even his last choice. 

 

“it's fine, phil,” dan mumbles into his shoulder, squeezing him tighter. “i'll- i'll just keep going along with it. i just wasn't expecting your parents to immediately offer their help an-”

 

“you got stressed? you got anxious and you started to do that thing where you overthink?” phil fills in for him, dropping his hands. “i wasn't expecting it either. honestly, i forgot about ophelia. they haven't mentioned her in  _ years _ , trust me. i didn't even know she did wedding planning.”

 

dan sighs, hooking his chin above his shoulder. “what kind of wedding would we have?”

 

phil shrugs, dan ignores how it makes him bite his own tongue. “i don't know. could dress up in fur suits and finally live out your fetish.”

 

“shut up, i'm being serious. and i am not a furry and you fucking know it.”

 

“i'm sorry,” he laughs, sighing. “maybe just a small ceremony, honestly. our friends, family. you know, basic stuff. it doesn't have to be one of those weddings you see on tv.”

 

dan hummed, closing his eyes. “when should we have it?”

 

“december 12th? it gives us at least 6 months to put everything together.”

 

he nods, holding phil closer. “it's going to be fine. we can do this, yeah? we’re dan and phil.”

 

phil laughs, relaxing into dan’s body. “yeah, we’re dan and phil.”

 

“maybe ‘we’re dan and phil’ will be our always.”

 

-

 

“THE GAYS ARE AT IT AGAIN! WHOOOO!”

 

vidcon was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad idea. you never tell a drunk tyler oakley that you're engaged or he's going to  _ actually scream it every 5 minutes  _ until everyone at the after party knows. 

 

or at least you don't if your name is dan howell, your best friend/technically fiancé is named phil lester, and everyone thinks he's been fucking you since 2009. just some advice, if you ever find yourself in this situation. 

 

he's since lost phil in the crowd, it's his fault he's even in this situation. 

 

_ ”vidcon would be the best place! all of our friends are there and it can just be done in one fell swoop.” _

 

what phil has failed to mention is that he was going to put off telling anybody and everybody until the end of vidcon party. you know, where everyone gets trashed and you shouldn't be telling your friends that you're getting married by the end of the year. and the fucker has left him to deal with the aftermath and hearing tyler drunkenly go up to everyone to tell them “the good news.”

 

he's pressed himself against the wall, nursing a now very warm beer when he sees louise coming towards him. he shrinks down, eventually sitting on the ground. louise doesn't look happy with him, and if it's what he thinks it is, he doesn't blame her. 

 

“so when did you and phil get together?” she sits down next to him. better said than done since she's, y’know, growing a human. “i didn't know you guys were even together, let alone engaged.”

 

“jesus,” dan mumbles, looking down at the ground. “we’re not together.”

 

she hits him - hard - but he deserves it. “what?!”

 

“we’re not together. it's fake. the whole thing.”

 

“what do you mean ‘it's fake?’ you didn't t-”

 

“no, i didn't. he came home from florida and told me how he said he's engaged and how i'm his fiancé. even had a ring. i couldn't say no, lou. he did it because they brought up martyn and how he has cornelia and he felt like he had to one-up him. he only did it to sate his parents, not because he realized he loves me.”

 

louise coos, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close. dan can feel tears well up in his eyes, leaning his head against louise’s. “this isn't right, dan. you shouldn't have agreed to this.”

 

“no, it's fine,” he spins the ring around his finger, a sad smile playing in his lips. “it's not ideal, but it's making him happy. that's all i want.”

 

“but it's not making you happy.”

 

“doesn't matter whether or not i'm happy, as long as he's happy, it's fine.”

 

“no, dan. it's not fine. this isn't what relationships are like. they're based on love and happiness and trust. not on lies and trying to get ahead on an older brother. you're not really getting married, are you?” dan’s silent, louise shakes him. “are you?!”

 

“december 12th. small wedding with just some friends and family. he wants to go back to japan for the honeymoon.”

 

louise stares at him, pulling away and dropping her hands to her lap. “this isn't healthy.”

 

“this is the only way for me to even remotely ever be with phil. i don't care if our marriage is a sham or is to just impress his parents, i get to have him for the rest of my life now.”

 

tears flow freely down dan’s face and he doesn't want to admit that louise is right. because _ of course _ she is, she's always been right. she pulls him in close and rocks them back and forth, mumbling something into his ear that he can't quite make out. he just doesn't understand why everything has to be so hard for him. if he just could've said something back when they’d first met, maybe they would be  _ actually _ getting married in december. phil would look at him like he's hung the stars in the sky while he says his vows, and then they'd grow old together. 

 

except he didn't because dan’s a coward and, immediately after kissing phil in the manchester eye, told him it was a mistake. because he's not wired to deal with his emotions properly. because he's dan howell, the guy who's sad all the time because he thinks his life isn't meaningful. 

 

“you have to call off the engagement, love bug,” louise mumbles, the loud music nearly drowns it out. in the distance, they can hear tyler tell yet another person about the good gay news. 

 

“i can't. his parents already called in a wedding planner, we’re already looking at locations. it's too far deep, i can't just break off the engagement.”

 

“why not?”

 

dan nearly chokes, taking in a shaky breath before even trying to saying anything. “he's told them we’ve been together for 8 years. i'd be the worst person in the world to call off an engagement to a person i've supposedly been with for that long.”

 

louise groans, holding dan tighter as he sobs about how fucked up his love life is. because he can't have anything right for once. he should've never started talking to phil in the first place, it's all his own fault. 

 

it's a while later that they actually get up, dan’s eyes are rimmed red and his chest is heavy. he can't catch his breath but it's fine. he'll be fine. 

 

(louise tries to find him later to convince him again that this isn't the best idea, that this will only end in heartbreak, that this hurt feeling that's building in his chest? it's getting worse. dan isn't hearing any of it, shaking his head and brushing her off. 

 

he's a firm believer this is the only way phil will ever love him.)

 

-

 

dan doesn't know how it happened, but somehow he's got his back pressed up against the wall of a bathroom and phil pressed against his lips. 

 

they're still at the vidcon party, and phil’s been drinking. a lot. apparently, when people find out you're engaged, they want to buy you shots. a lot of shots. like  _ holy shit, i'm taking your keys and you're not driving buddy _ amount of shots. 

dan had stepped into the bathroom to take a call from his mum or whoever, them shouting at him about his “engagement.” he vaguely remembers the door opening, but he brushes it off as some other patron or drunk youtuber. 

 

nope, that person was phil and now his phone’s on the ground and poor dan’s mum has to hear her son get felt up. 

 

phil’s a horny drunk, dan can feel something hard press up against his thigh. he’s used to the drunk flirting and wandering hands that get too close to what he wants. he’s used to the mumblings in his ear about how phil would just  _ take _ him right then and there if they weren’t in public, only to always leave him a whimpering mess with a problem to take care of when he inevitably passes out. but it’s always been just that. things that supply dan’s wank bank until the next time phil takes ten shots of tequila and does it all over again, only to wake up with a raging headache and no knowledge of what he’s done.

 

phil’s lips are traveling down dan’s neck and,  _ shit _ , he’s trying to keep quiet. his lips are red and raw, his teeth gnawing at his lower lip and his body squirms. a pathetic whimper manages to escape when dan feels teeth scraping down his throat and he knows that marks will be left and he’ll have to explain in the morning. phil’s hands are dangerously close to his ass when suddenly everything is cold and dan’s left to slump down on the tiles.

 

“our room, ten minutes.” 

 

dan can barely hear the door open and close over his own panting, shaky hands reaching up to his neck. they’ve never done this, phil’s never kissed him or been drunk enough to even consider it. he doesn’t know the rules for this, there isn’t a plan or an idea of what could happen. he finds his phone and quickly ends the call, hoping and praying that his mum will spare the embarrassment. or maybe she'll be too embarrassed to say anything. 

 

he’s scared,  _ terrified _ even, of what’s going to happen once he gets up to the room.

 

-

 

getting to their room is one thing, trying to escape the drunk youtubers who all desperately want to see dan’s engagement ring is another. dan can feel phil’s eyes from across the room as he tries to get through, tyler, seemingly finished with his gay chants, hangs off one of his arms and acts absolutely queer when he spots his left hand. he collapses on the floor, screaming to the ceiling about how can’t he find a love like theirs.

 

_ a love like ours,  _ dan thinks as he finally escapes the thick of the crowd.  _ our ‘love’ is a lie. at least he's not talking about our engagement.  _

 

in the end, he gets to the room five minutes late. when he opens the door, he finds an angry, pouty phil on their bed. 

 

“you're late,” is all dan hears when the door closes. “i told you to be in our room in ten minutes. it's been fifteen.”

 

he gulps, shaking as the hotel door closes and he feels like he's trapped. he should've gone to louise’s, or anthony’s, not tyler. fuck tyler, at this point. this has never happened, drunk kisses and a dominating phil actually  _ wanting _ to take him. 

 

“tyler kept me back some, sorry,” his voice is quivering, he's the only one who's sober. this is why they never drank at the vidcon parties. 

 

“he shouldn't have done that,” dan can see phil shake his head as he gets up off the bed, drunkenly stumbling over to him. “doesn't he know not to interrupt us?”

 

dan doesn't understand what that even  _ means,  _ taking in a shaky breath when he feels hands at his waistband. “saw my ring and flipped. you know how he is when he's drunk.”

 

phil doesn't say anything back, his fingers are slipping dangerously low into his jeans and dan can't get himself to make it stop. his mind is racing with what phil is planning; surely it's not going to be anything further than normal right?

 

the lips now ghosting his neck say otherwise. 

 

“you've been a bad one tonight, haven't you?” teeth scratch lightly across the skin and dan gasps. “does daddy have to teach you a lesson?”

 

only phil would be drunk daddy.

 

dan shakes his head, putting his hands on phil’s chest to push him away. instead, they grip his shirt as phil bites and sucks and just attacks his neck. he moans loudly, throwing his head back and ignoring the dull pain. marks are going to be left and he's going to have to face it in the morning and there's just too much, this is just too much, they can't be doing th-

 

“come on, baby. let daddy take you to bed.”

 

he nods before he can process the words, and his back is being pressed to the bed and- when did his shirt come off? when did  _ phil’s _ come off? this wasn't in the pamphlet. phil’s kissing down his chest and every 2009 wet dream is coming alive. dan’s struggling to keep

up with the other’s mouth until he gets to his cock and that's, apparently, when his brain turns on. he pushes him off, scrambling up the bed as far away from phil as he can. phil doesn't seem to think this is a rejection, crawling after him and resuming marking up his chest. 

 

dan makes noises of protest mixed with pleasure, pushing phil off again, but he keeps coming back. after the third time, he gets the hint, or at least the  _ gist _ that something is wrong. phil looks at him for an answer, trying to figure out what is wrong and why his dick isn't in dan’s ass yet. 

 

“i-i forgot, i told louise i'd hang out with her after the party.” he pushes phil further away, quickly getting off the bed and grabbing the first thing that resembles a shirt before leaving. 

 

once he's down the hallway and his shirt is on, dan starts crying. silent tears start to run down his cheeks, and he has to find louise’s room before he starts sobbing. 

 

(louise finds him outside her door 30 minutes later, curled into himself and sobbing into his knees. she doesn't say anything, she just helps dan up and into her room, letting him lay in her bed. she lets him cry into her shoulder, rubbing his back and trying to calm him down. 

 

dan blubbers out about what happened in their room, in the bathroom before he left the party, and how much he just wants to feel loved. louise tells him that he needs to call this off, or at least talk to phil in the morning about what happened. he shakes his head, saying he doesn't want confrontation. she wants to argue against it but she knows now is not the time.

 

he leaves hours later, despite louise’s attempts to get him to stay, ends up at a waffle house or denny’s or ihop, he doesn't really care to pay attention. the waitstaff is nice despite it being 3 in the morning, and they apparently take pity on dan because they give him some of his meal for free. he stays there until he can see the sun start to rise over the l.a. skyline, leaves a huge tip on the table, and walks around town. it's then that he realizes he's wearing phil’s sweatshirt, and tears start to well up again. 

 

he has to stay strong. 

 

phil doesn't say anything when he gets back to their room, packing up their stuff in order to catch the flight home. he doesn't say anything in the airport, or when he spots the hickies on dan’s neck, or the tired and red eyes dan is sporting. what he does say is if he wants to nap, he can use his shoulder. dan waves him off, and the rest of the flight is silent. 

 

phil asks what takeaway they should order when they get back, and dan shrugs, he's been awake for 32 hours now and all he wants to do is sleep. he says chinese instead and phil’s off to order the food. instinctively, dan turns on the tv to choose a movie. his eyes catch at their lounge decor, their awards, the youtube play button, their books. 

 

there's a picture frame next to the play button that dan doesn't remember being there. they had a picture of them with their creative team and then with their whole crew after the first show, but this photo was from the tour bus in america. they were laying in phil’s bed and phil had said some sort of pun and dan was giving him a look. but all dan could see is how  _ in love _ he was with phil, yet the older still hadn't noticed. it never made the cut of their second book, dan immediately vetoed it and thought it got deleted, but obviously, he was wrong. tears well up in his eyes, quickly wiping them away when phil asked if he wanted some ribena. 

 

he nodded. they're dan and phil, they'll be okay.)

 

-

 

martyn shouldn't be the one to go to for fashion advice, because a  _ blue _ vest shouldn't go with a  _ wedding whose colors aren’t fucking blue. _ . it doesn't even look right. 

 

“dan even said this wouldn't work, the blue clashes with my eyes- are you even listening to me?” phil turns around on the stand to see his brother engrossed in his phone. “i'm in a tuxedo for my wedding and your dumb ass got me a blue vest instead of the red.”

 

“does it really matter though?” martyn doesn't even look up from his phone, bouncing one leg as he types something out. “it's not like it'll matter once you guys are alone.”

 

phil sputters, taking off the grey jacket and then the  _ hideous _ baby blue vest, throwing it at martyn. “yes, it does. because pictures are going to be taken and these are going to be lasting memories. it does matter.”

 

martyn rolls his eyes, muttering something under his breath about how he shouldn't treat his manager like this, before going off and getting a  _ red  _ vest. phil looks back in the mirror, sighing. they both decided on black slacks with a grey jacket, dan chose a deep forest green vest and he chose a dark red vest for phil. dan argued since they're getting married in the month of christmas, they could get away with it, and phil suggested that the bow ties were switched. but martyn switched out his vest at the last minute and the wedding is  _ next month _ and, holy shit, phil’s marrying his best friend next month. 

 

“you're going to get wrinkles if you keep that look on your face,” martyn reemerges with the correct vest, tossing it up to phil. “put this on so we can get out of here.”

 

phil nods mutely, putting the vest and jacket on and looking at himself in the mirror. he never thought he'd actually be getting married. ever. not since dan came into his life. he always imagined himself with a wife and three kids in the england countryside, but now all he can see himself doing is living with dan, movie marathons with dan, eating with dan. they've molded their lives around each other. it's surreal that he's even here. 

 

martyn’s standing next to the mirror, snapping a couple of pictures before he notices the look of his little brother's face. phil looks terrified, about to shit himself, 10 steps away from throwing up. his hands won't stop adjusting the tux, the tie isn't straight, the vest has a wrinkle, he just can't seem to stop fidgeting. martyn knows that his mind is racing, he knows his brother like the back of his hand, but there's something about this that makes his own stomach hurt. 

 

“are you sure you want to do this?” martyn’s voice is barely above a whisper, but phil hears it.

 

“y-yeah, i mean, we’ve been together for 8 years now, m. i think he's going to murder me if i call this whole thing off.” the laugh doesn't even sound like him, but he ignores it. 

 

martyn doesn't. “you don't look okay. your face is paler than usual, you won't stop fidgeting with your clothes. something is wrong.”

 

“nothing is wrong! just pre-wedding jitters.”

 

“it's not that. there's something else. what is it?”

 

phil shakes his head. “i have no idea what you're talking about.”

 

“philip michael, yes, you do. i don't care if this is a rental tux, i will rip it off of you if you don't tell me.”

 

phil sighs, getting down from the pedestal and sitting down on the couch. his head is in his hands and he's internally fighting with himself on whether or not he should just tell him. it's his fault to begin with, because his parents had to run it in how great martyn is with his girlfriend. he feels a hand rubbing his back and tears start to prickle out. 

 

“i lied.”

 

the hand freezes. “you what?”

 

“i lied when i said dan and i were engaged. we aren't. we’re not even together. god, the night i told mum and dad, i went to some jewelry store to buy an engagement ring to make sure the story was solid. the engagement story is fake, picture is real. but everything that i said happened didn't. we’ve been lying this whole time. dan’s been going along with it so i don't disappoint mum. well, mum  _ and  _ dad, but mostly mum.”

 

martyn shakes his head, getting up off the couch and starting to pace. “this isn't healthy, phil. why didn't you say anything in the beginning? why didn't you tell me? your own brother?”

 

“because i knew you wouldn't take it seriously!” phil throws his arms up. “you practically encouraged mum to bring in ophelia just because you wanted to watch me squirm. i know i’m the more famous lester, but i’m still the younger brother. you would just try and point out all the holes in the engagement to our parents so they could see what a sham i was.”

 

“no, i wouldn't,” martyn rolls his eyes. “but phil, this is a horrible idea. why the hell would you think it's even remotely a good one?”

 

“because all mum and dad have done since you gotten with cornelia is pester me about when am i going to find _my_ _cornelia_ ,” he sighs, sinking back into the seat. “so i just said i was engaged to make myself feel better.”

 

martyn mumbles something under his breath, digging his nails into his scalp. “ _ marriage is not a contact sport  _ and it's not a  _ fucking competition _ . you would've found your cornelia if you’d just put yourself out there! you've been single for so long, if you’d even just put a dating ad out, you're bound to meet someone!”

 

phil shakes his head, looking up to see martyn has stopped and looking directly back at him. “but nobody stops to ask me if  _ i'm  _ okay with how i'm living  _ my _ life. everyone is always worried about when i'm going to settle down and when am i going to start a family, but not a single person asks me if i'm okay with my current life.”

 

“are you okay with you current life?” martyn crosses his arms over his chest, huffing. 

 

“yes. i am. i'm very content with living with my best mate. i don't see or feel the need to change any of that to please anyone.” phil mirrors his brother, leaning back in the couch. 

 

martyn’s jaw drops for a second, before he mouths something and phil can see that something has clicked in his brain. “you're totally in love with him.”

 

“what?!”

 

“yes! you're in love with dan! that's why you haven't wanted to change and why you're so content with your life. you already have your cornelia, he's been there since you were 22! how haven't i seen this before?”

 

phil still doesn't get it. he's not in love with his best friend. “i'm not in love with my best friend.”

 

“you're in love with dan. everyone can see it.”

 

“no, martyn. i'm not.”

 

“god, you're so thick and i'm not talking about your cock.”

 

“now you're sounding like a fanfiction writer.”

 

martyn groans, pulling phil up out of the couch and replacing himself in the spot. “no, i'm not. you're in love with your best friend. it's so clear!” he cackles, holding his stomach tight. 

 

“no, i’m not,” phil mumbles, fidgeting with his tie once more. 

 

“yes, you are. now stop fidgeting and hurry up. we were supposed to be at the warehouse meeting 30 minutes ago.”

 

-

 

phil learned in 2012 that arguments with dan can get incredibly brutal. not only will dan try and pull out all the stops to emotionally hurt the other person, but if it gets worse, he'll resort to actually  _ throwing _ things towards the wall, not giving a shit if he breaks anything. on the other hand, phil tries to use as much logic as he can to try and diffuse the situation. he won't stoop to the level of abusive words, and the only physical thing he does is try to get the other to calm down. 

 

all of this is out the  _ fucking  _ window when dan blames phil for accidentally leaking to the internet that they were getting married. 

 

technically, phil didn't say shit. someone in his liveshow asked him if he had any plans in the new year, since, you know, both their wedding and honeymoon is coming up. all he said was that him and dan were going back to japan. made no mention of it  _ technically _ being a honeymoon and made no mention of their impending wedding. 

 

really, that's all the fans’ work.

 

except that's what they assumed until their lovely friend  _ tyler goddamn oakley _ accidentally spilled during a live interview that his plans for december include flying to england for a wedding. he tried saving it by saying it was just two of his male friends getting married and he honestly made it worse. 

 

needless to say, the fans picked up very quickly on this fact. 

 

phil is screaming into a pillow that dan threw at him an hour ago while the latter is pacing the room, trying to figure out the  _ fuck _ is he going to do damage control on this. all that they've worked for can be gone in just an instant if it comes out that they're getting married. people could see them as lying about their lives and then they’d get hit with horrible backlash. dan is in a much too fragile state from this god forsaken wedding, all because phil wanted to get one up on his brother.. 

 

it's like the Video That Shall Not Be Named, but much worse, in phil’s (and probably dan’s) opinion. 

 

“i knew this was going to happen! we shouldn't have told everyone about the stupid fucking wedding!” a book hits phil in the stomach and he lurches forward. dan doesn't care. “we should've just told the people we were inviting. but that still means tyler would've known and he still would've spilled because that's apparently what his stupid fucking homosexual ass does.”

 

there's loud thuds and phil assumes it's stomping, looking up from the pillow to see a red faced dan. it's been two hours and forty minutes since this has started and phil can feel the fight leaving him. he's given up trying to talk sense into dan thirty minutes in. 

 

“it's all your fault anyways!”

 

and here we go again. “dan, for the last time, it is not my fault. we didn't know that tyler was going to accidentally slip up. it happens.”

 

dan points an accusing finger towards phil, shaking his head. “no. no, it  _ is _ your fault.  _ you're  _ the one who told your mum and dad that we’re engaged.  _ you're  _ the one who convinced me to go along with this. if i hadn't agreed, we wouldn't be here!”

 

phil stuffs his face back into the pillow, groaning loudly. “it's not my fault! all i asked was what you wanted for dinner and now i'm getting yelled at for something that i didn't do!”

 

this is as far as they've gotten during this fight, dan is hyper focused on this fact and phil doesn't understand why. nothing he did triggered the fight, dan was just on his phone and he guesses that's how he found out. they've been arguing a lot lately, anyways. it feels like it's all they do, between wedding preparations and the fact they're getting married in less than two weeks made tensions high. dan was on edge more than usual, and phil felt like he had to walk on eggshells around him just to not argue with him. 

 

they fought that morning over the catering, because dan suddenly decided he's vegan again, and he needs vegan options. the evening before, dan picked a fight over their color scheme that  _ he  _ came up with. all phil wants is to eat dinner and go the fuck to sleep. 

 

“-are you even listening to me? i wouldn't be surprised if you're not, that's all you do. you ignore me when there's problems and leave them to me to fucking fix. maybe we shouldn't get married, especially since this is all to impress your stupid fucking mum.”

 

okay. 

  
  


“excuse me?” phil slowly raises from the couch, clutching the pillow tightly. “did you just… i know i'm getting old but i'm sure my hearing isn't going yet. did i hear that right?”

 

dan flips his hair back, crossing his arms over his chest. “must have if your hearing is still in tact, old man.”

 

phil furrows his eyebrows together, a sour look spreading across his face. the pillow drops from his hands, he's moving across the room before he can actually tell that he's pressing dan against the wall. “if this is all to  _ impress _ my  _ stupid fucking mum _ , then why the  _ fuck _ didn't you call off the wedding months ago?”

 

dan squirms under the grip. “I can call off a wedding whenever i want, can't i?”

 

“it's too late for that.”

 

“not if i leave you at the altar.”

 

phil freezes, his grip loosening as he backs away from dan. “y-you wouldn't leave me at the altar, right? w-we love ea-”

 

“no, phil! you don’t get to fucking pull that card. you don't have the right to pull that card after the fucking shit you've dragged me through. you made me lie to your parents that i'm going to marry you just so you can beat martyn in this nonexistent race, you bought a ring knowing i couldn't say no to you. this entire wedding wouldn't be happening if you just could've stood up for yourself for being 30 and not dating anyone.”

 

dan’s chest is heaving, fists clenching at his side. he can't do it, he can't do this. he's shaking his head, shrinking down against the wall. tears are streaming down his face, arms wrapped around his head, and all dan wants to do is disappear. the wedding is an awful idea, getting married is a trap, and he doesn't understand why people do it. if this is what it's like before the wedding, what would it be like after?

 

he's full on sobbing by the time phil comes over to calm him down, climbing into phil’s lap like a toddler and crying into his neck. he rocks them back and forth, mumbling soft, kind words into dan’s ear as the sobs continue to wrack through him. it's a side of dan that phil hadn't seen before, their fights never got to the point where one of them cries, but he can tell that something else is wrong. it's not the wedding maybe getting out accidentally, it's not stress of the wedding, phil can't put his finger on it. 

 

a new wave of sobs rush over dan when he finally seems to calm down, and phil’s at a loss of what to do. he can't calm him down, he can't find out why dan’s crying, he feels useless. this is all his fault, no matter how much he wants to deny it, it's true. if only he could've been confident enough to stand his ground as a single 30 year old living with his best friend. they wouldn't be here, dan wouldn't be crying, and phil wouldn't feel so guilty. 

 

“i'm sorry,” he mumbles, tightening his arms around dan’s middle. “you're,” he sighs, “you're right. it is all my fault. i felt like a failure because i'm still living with my best friend and i had been single for years. i felt like i was disappointing my parents. look at martyn. he has cornelia, they're planning a life together. they want to be together forever, because they  _ love _ each other. and what do i have?”

 

“me?” dan lifts his head up, wiping away his tears. his chest still stutters as he breathes, but the crying seems to have gone. “you have me.”

 

phil smiles sadly, looking down. “but that's not  _ good _ enough for them. they don't see that i'm happy where i've been, or that i don't need a relationship to  _ be _ happy. so, i'm sorry i dragged you into this engagement with me. i deserve to be left at the altar.”

 

dan chokes on air, shaking his head. “no. no, you don't deserve to be left at the altar. nobody does. i… you know how i am during fights. anybody would be lucky to marry you.”

 

phil laughs, and so does dan. it feels normal and light for a moment and not this high stress environment their wedding has put them in. it feels like getting wrapped in an old quilt, holding a cup of hot chocolate, and watching your favorite movie with your favorite person. that's always how it felt with the two of them, neither of them would trade that warm feeling for anything. 

 

“what made you say yes?” phil asks, leaning his head against dan’s. 

 

he shrugs. “i don't know. it's been so long since it happened.”

 

“no, there has to be something that made you agree.”

 

dan shakes his head, squirming in phil’s lap. he doesn't want to do this, he's seconds away from losing his best friend forever if he says anything. instead of actually giving a clear answer, he mumbles out a quick one before pushing himself up out of phil’s grasp. 

 

he moves too fast that phil can't catch him. “dan, come back. what did you say?”

 

“phil, it’s fine. it doesn't matter.”

 

“it obviously matters if you just sobbed in my lap over it.”

 

dan makes it to the edge of the lounge before he stops. phil’s right, he hates it but he’s right. he wants to be strong enough to leave the room, to leave the conversation, but he's not. 

 

“i'm in love with you,” he mumbles, his shoulders slumping. “that's why i said yes.”

 

“what?” phil gets up from the ground, taking a step forward. “say it one more time.”

 

dan takes a deep breath, not daring to turn around. “i-i’m in love with you. that's why i said yes. i thought that this was the only way i could have you in any romantic way so i just said yes.”

 

phil stops, not expecting it. did he hear that right? dan’s in love with him? that can't be right. they're dan and phil, two bros, chillin’ in a hot tub, 5 feet apart ‘cause they're not gay. phil isn't gay, right? he's never been attracted to another guy, if you exclude charlie and dan. okay, maybe he's gay. but dan can't be gay. he's delusional. he’s 26! he doesn't know what love i- fuck he's losing him!

 

“dan!” phil yells, taking a few more steps forward. “please don't leave.”

 

“no, just let me leave. i've already embarrassed myself enough. i'm sure you want a new flatmate and best friend. i'll be out of your hair soon enough.” dan continues out of the lounge and up the stairs and phil groans, chasing after him. 

 

“dan, stop it. you don't know that.”

 

“yes, i do. that's what always happens, right? there's a fake engagement, one guy is foolish enough to agree because he's in love with the other guy, other guy finds out and is disgusted. falls in love with a girl, blah blah, more heterosexual bullshit. don't string me along, phil. tell your parents i broke up with you and moved away, i'll continue to give you money for rent. i just can't stay here.”

 

when phil doesn't say anything, dan turns back to continue up the stairs, but a hand on his wrist causes him to turn around and, oh - that's a pair of lips. that's definitely a pair of lips against his own, and _holy shit_ _phil is kissing him_.

 

both of dan’s hands immediately go to cup phil’s cheeks, holding him close as if he'd float away. he melts when he feels hands on his hips, and it's everything dan has only dreamed of since 2009. their lips move together slowly, awkwardly, but dan couldn't care because he hasn't kissed a sober phil in so long and he wants to cry. 

 

he does, in fact, cry when they pull away from each other, phil wiping away the fat tears with his sleeve. 

 

“no, really. please don't go,” phil mumbles, thumb trailing on dan’s bottom lip. “i’d quite miss being able to do that.”

 

“why didn't you do that before?” dan’s hands find their way around phil’s collar, fiddling around with it to try and distract himself. “the only other time you kissed me was vidcon and you were drunk.”

 

“didn't realize i was in love with you until maybe a couple weeks ago. martyn kept telling me i was and i kept saying i wasn't while we were at a tux fitting, and he wouldn't shut up about it. i couldn't get it out of my head, and by the time i got home, i got it all figured out that he was right,” phil sighs. “just didn't know how to say it.”

 

“couldn't ‘hey dan, my wonderful fiancé, i'm in love with you’ work?” dan snickers.

 

“you say that and yet it took a fight where tyler nearly outed the wedding for you to tell me the same thing. it's not easy, dan. i didn't think you looked at me the same, so i just kept it to myself.”

 

“we’re proper idiots, aren't we?”

 

phil laughs and nods. “we are.”

 

(they talk more, because relationships are built on communication. dan tells phil all about the vidcon incident, tells him how long he's known, anything he can think of. phil tells him a more in depth story of how he came to realize, and dan cries, but they're happy tears. 

 

they also don't talk, because relationships are also sometimes built on sex and, well, after 8 years of not fucking anyone, phil needed his dick in dan’s ass asap. not that dan really complains; he can't string a sentence together by the time phil’s done with him. they're giggly and happy and they never thought they would get to this point. 

 

_ love never felt so good  _ by michael jackson plays as dan finally falls asleep, and he can't think of a better song to capture what he feels right now.)

 

-

 

no matter how many times he said it in the mirror, nothing prepares dan for actually saying his vows in front of phil.

 

during rehearsals, they fucked their way through the vows. they agreed they didn't want to hear the real ones until the actual day, so the fake ones included how dan is thankful for his cereal not being stolen in the past week, cabinets being closed, and no socks on their floors. phil tells an elaborate but sadly very true story about how one time he actually beat dan in mario kart because he got distracted, sprinkling in romantic stuff, and hinting at indescribables. 

 

(sex, we’re talking about sex. come on, we’re all adults here.)

 

but here he is, about to enter the ceremony with his mum, god fucking bless her for not mentioning how tightly he's holding her hand, and not a clue of how he's going to get through his actual, for realsies vows. 

 

(dan didn't feel like this earlier, while they were taking photos. it was the very beginning, their backs were towards each other. it's the cheesy “first looks” that all those straight people do, and the photographer thought it would be cute for them, too. something to hang on their mantle. 

 

he felt like he couldn't breath as the photographer counted down, clenching his fists at his sides. it's just phil, he's seen him in a suit before. they've done so many events, so many weddings, it's just phil in a suit. he doesn't understand why these first look photos are so interesting. 

 

“alright, turn around.”

 

dan hesitates before he turns around, looking at the ground before he forces them up to phil’s face and - god dammit, he's crying. because it's not just phil in a suit. it's phil in a suit on  _ their fucking wedding day _ . hands cover his mouth and phil looks a bit teary eyed, too. he walks towards dan, wrapping him up in a hug and holding him close. 

 

“i can't believe you're mine,” and, come on, dan has to kiss him after that.)

 

phil is already waiting at the altar with his mum, the music is playing loudly and his own mum is saying something to him, but he can't hear anything. blood is pounding in his ears as the doors open, and he's crying in the club again. he quickly wipes away his tears before they start down the aisle, his face broken out in a huge smile that he just can't help. 

 

phil’s smiling too, wiping away his own tears as he waits for dan. he sways on his feet like he's in a dream. he's giddy with happiness and even though they've seen each other every day for 6 years, today’s different. it’s not waking up to anime breakfasts, or touring the states, or taking a dream holiday together. 

 

this is the first day of the rest of their lives  _ together _ , for better or for worse, for sickness and in health, for as long as they both shall live.

 

(“did you ever see us doing this?” phil asks him as they pose next to a tree. “we’re actually getting married. like for real.”

 

dan shakes his head, looking down. the camera shutters is background noise now, taking every candid moment because forced poses don't work well with them. “18 year old me wanted this. but when we met, i didn't think you'd ever want to be with me.”

 

phil laughs. “i kissed you, too, remember? you were the one who said we shouldn't have done that. i would've gladly had you at 22 and i'm glad i have you at 30.”

 

“then why did you-”

 

“it doesn't matter, dan. i mean, it does, but look at us. we’re two dudes about to get married. it's been years in the making. everyone saw it before us.”

 

dan laughs, looking up to phil. he has a flower in his hand, something he picked up on the way to the tree. phil’s looking at him in a way that he never understands, but he does when he takes action. he takes the flower and tucks it behind dan’s left ear, smiling before kissing his forehead. 

 

“soon we’ll be even more married than the fans know.”

 

dan’s face falls into phil’s shoulder, the camera shutter goes off. another moment caught forever.)

 

before he knows it, dan is at the altar, phil’s hands are in his, and he's pretty sure that whoever is running this wedding is quoting the princess bride.

 

priest man is droning on about how marriage is a wonderful union of two souls who were meant to be, a ceremony in which we unite these souls into one being and set them forth onto a new path in life. dan thinks this is complete bullshit, seeing as they've lived together and, quite frankly, have pretty much been married for the past 6 years. but phil has that dopey grin on his face and he can't make this guy shut up.

 

(not that he would, he paid good fucking money for this guy to bound them together for life.)

 

weddings have never been interesting, like when you think about them, they're not. you're celebrating the fact that two people have chosen to exclusively fuck each other for the rest of their lives. you all put on your best clothes, women buy expensive ass dresses sometimes, but they make for  _ great _ television though. dan has cried while watching a few (every) episode of  _ say yes to the dress _ . but then you eat afterwards and have people try and embarrass the two special ones.

 

if they were to do this all over again, and they were actually together before phil fucked it up, dan would have made them elope. his feet hurt and he wants cake. 

 

dan’s been in his head too long. phil squeezes his hands before letting go, reaching into his pocket and grabs - shit. he's not ready. there's too many witnesses. he can't just pour his heart out in front of all his friends like this.

 

time seems to slow down as phil unfolds the paper, the microphone being moved towards him, and all dan wants to do is leave. why did they agree to write their own vows?

 

“um,” phil clears his throat, looking around. “hi, everyone. i'm glad you all could be here today. i'm phil, as you know. so, we met through youtube and twitter, of all places, and everyday i thank my 2006 self for turning on that camera i found in the cereal box. if i hadn't, i would've never met you, dan, and i never would've known who my true partner in crime is. i never would have imagined that just one person who have such an impact on my life, but i guess i predicted that in a video once. you're my energetic warrior, you're easy to love, and i don't understand how anyone could hate you. you will forever be my knight of wands, you have been from our first skype call and you will continue to be until the day we die. i love you, dan.”

 

okay, dan’s not crying. his eyes are just sweating a lot and he has to wipe his eyes in order to see and - okay, yeah, he's fucking crying. phil can be such a sap but he didn't realize how much of one he could be when it came to moments like these. he's brought into a hug, he can hear the whole church coo, and dan just cries into phil’s chest a little more before he has to face reality. 

 

they pull away, phil’s vows are slipped back into his own pocket while dan fumbles to get his out. his hands are visibly shaking as he unfolds his. he drops it, of course he does, a light laugh passes over the congregation. dan reaches down to get it and when he looks back up, phil is staring back. 

 

“it's okay, it's just me,” he mumbles, holding out his hand. 

 

(“are you scared?”

 

they're walking through the field, loosely holding hands as they go. dan’s looking up to the sky, smiling. “scared of what?”

 

“getting married, you know. if we ever want to separate, how messy that's going to be.”

 

dan stops, pulling phil with him. “i've waited so long to actually be with you, why do you think we’d get divorce? today of all days?”

 

phil looks down, shifting from one foot to the other. “i don't know. sometimes i'm still convinced that you're only doing this to please my parents.”

 

“i'm not, phil. we’ve talked about this. the only thing i'm really scared of is vows.”

 

he looks back up to him, furrowing his eyebrows. “what do you mean?”

 

“phil, we both know i'm not the one to pour my soul out in front of anyone. it's not who i am, it's not in my brand. but that's what the vows are. i'm bearing my feelings out in front of all my friends and family and i'm terrified that they're all going to laugh at me. adrian, of all people, hasn't seen me cry since we were kids in primary school.”

 

phil gives dan a small smile, pulling him into a hug. “i'm going to be there, so you don't have to be scared.”)

 

there's feedback from the microphone, dan pulls away. he's staring at phil like he wants to run away. phil reaches out and holds dan’s free hand, squeezing it and not letting go. 

 

he can do this. 

 

“when phil told me we were going to write our own vows, i was terrified. i'm good at writing scripts, between us, we’ve written two decent books, and a stage show that was okay. but vows are different, and of course i have to follow his sappy ass. so, phil, i'm glad that i met you and i'm so grateful for all the things we’ve accomplished together. i don't think i would st-” 

 

dan stops, he doesn't want to say what he's written next. it's too personal, it's too revealing. phil notices, squeezing his hand again and flashing a smile. “keep going,” he whispers. “you're doing great, promise.”

 

after a beat of silence, dan clears his throat. “sorry. um, i don't think i would still be alive if you hadn't messaged me. i became so much more happier after we became friends, you saved my life. from our first video together to now, it's been the most fun i've ever had.”

 

(adrian keeps messing with his bowtie, because the photographer told him to, but really, he's taking the opportunity to drag his older brother.

 

“for the love of god, do not end you vows with that,” he grumbles, smoothing out the lapels. “it's bad enough the fans use it in their edits.”

 

“they're not here, though. they'd never know if i ended them that way. or if we even wrote our own vows,” dan sighs, wanting to mess with his hair but knowing his mother would throw a chair at him for it. “besides, how else am i supposed to end it? ‘thanks bro for all that you've done for me. i love you, no homo.’”

 

“that's better than quoting the first phil is not on fire.” now adrian is fixing his fringe, because apparently dan paid him to be the hairdresser for this event. “literally anything is better than quoting that video.”

 

dan laughs, brushing away his brother’s hands. “you're just jealous that i'm getting married.”

 

“oh, yes,” adrian rolls his eyes, going back to the hair. “i would be so happy to be throwing my life away when i'm 18.”

 

“i was 18 when me and phil met.”

 

“trust me, your fans have reminded me of that enough.”

 

dan sighs. “can we not start on this? it-”

 

adrian cuts him off with a shrug. “it's your wedding day, i get it. you're finally marrying the guy that you've built this empire with. meanwhile, i still get harassed about whether you take it up the ass.”

 

“we both know you don't.”

 

“can we not start on this?” he mocks dan, walking over to the couch and falling into it. “it's your wedding day.”

 

the photographer had stopped taking pictures awhile ago, moving to phil’s room to do the same thing with martyn. it was just them in the room, their parents talking with phil’s. it's the first time in years that dan has seen adrian alone. the tension is thick and he hates that they're like this. that they're not like phil and martyn.

 

“i'm happy for you, you know,” adrian mumbles, leaning into dan. “you always seemed happier whenever you talked about phil, even when we were younger. you're a lot happier than when you were 18. i'm just glad that you found someone that does that.”

 

dan wraps an arm around him, pulling him closer. “it'll happen for you one day. it just happened to me a lot sooner than most.”

 

adrian smiles to himself, not looking up. “i love you, you smelly idiot.”

 

dan chuckles. “i love you, too, my ugly brother.”

 

the door opens, the two brothers spring apart. their mother’s head pops in. “we’re ready for family pictures.”)

 

the priest is saying things, wedding things,  _ important  _ wedding things, and dan can barely hear. he can't believe he just did that. he just admitted something so  _ huge _ in the middle of such a beautiful moment. but phil’s hand has never left his, the smile hasn't never left his face. and dan feels like he can breathe. nothing’s been messed up. 

 

“may we have the rings please,” is what snaps dan back into reality, robotically turning around to adrian to get phil’s ring. he turns the ring in his hand, remembering how happy phil was to go ring shopping with him. phil decided to not choose the same ring for the both of them, but the rings would have some symbolism.

 

phil’s ring is matte black with a stripe of reflective black in the middle. he told dan that it's because of his branding, a dark exterior. the inside is a beautiful rose gold. phil said that it's because he gets to see the side of dan that no one else gets to, his bright personality and his bubbly laugh. it reminds phil of faint blushes, intertwined fingers, and pure happiness.

 

dan had to try his hardest not to cry in the middle of the shop. 

 

his ring, compared to phil’s, doesn't seem as special. it's matte black, like phil’s, but a stripe of dark blue is in the middle. the inside is the same dark blue. dan remembers being immediately drawn to it, know he couldn't leave the store without it. he tells phil the blue is supposed to be his eyes, even though the color doesn't match, and that, no matter where he goes, even if they're apart, he'll always have a piece of phil. 

 

phil kissed him right then and there and didn't care about how pissy dan got about it. 

 

“take dan’s left hand and repeat after me,” phil takes his hand, dan sticks out his ring finger the best he could. “with this ring.”

 

“with this ring.”

 

“i thee wed.”

 

“i thee wed.” phil slips the ring onto dan’s finger, and he feels the air get knocked out of him. 

 

“and with it.”

 

“and with it.”

 

“i bestow upon thee.”

 

“i bestow upon thee.”

 

“all the treasures of my mind, heart, and hands.”

 

“all the treasures of my mind, heart, and hands.”

 

it's quiet for a moment, the only sound is the camera shutter. phil pulls dan's hand up to his mouth and presses a kiss over the ring, and his heart lurches. they never did that in rehearsals. it feels like they're the only two in the room. a tear falls down dan’s cheek. he just can't believe this is all real.

 

“take phil’s hand and repeat after me,” the priest smiles, waiting for dan to get himself together enough to continue. “with this ring.”

 

“with this ring.”

 

“i thee wed.”

 

“i thee wed.” dan slips the ring on phil’s finger and he feels his lungs fill with air.

 

“and with it.”

 

“and with it.”

 

“i bestow upon thee.”

 

“i bestow upon thee.”

 

“all the treasures of my mind, heart, and hands.”

 

“all the treasures of my mind, heart, and hands.”

 

this was the part in rehearsal that was always awkward, they ended it there usually. or they'd muck their way through the rest. they never took it seriously, not like with the stage rehearsals, because this is just in front of their friends and family. they weren't performing their wedding to thousands upon thousands of friends. less than 50 people are here, and dan feels more nervous in front of them than any crowd of fans. 

 

“if there are no objections, then by the powers invest in me, i now pronounce you husband and husband,” the priest smiles as phil bounces in place. “you can kiss him, you know?”

 

phil didn't need to be told twice, grabbing dan’s face and pulling him in for a kiss. dan’s hands go phil’s neck and he's ruining the kiss by smiling, but he doesn't care. he finally has phil, even if it took years for them to realize, he finally has him. he's never felt happier than in this moment, and he can tell that phil would agree as well.

 

they break apart after a moment, leaning their foreheads together. their hands are loosely linked together, they don't want this moment to end. they can't believe they're here, it's real life. they've actually gone out and  _ gotten married _ .

 

“come on, now. we all want to get drunk soon,” the congregation laughs as dan and phil turn towards them, both of their faces bright and flushed. “it is with great honor that i present to you for the first time philip and daniel lester-howell.”

 

(“what if we move the holiday up?”

 

dan stops. they're walking back to the church after getting their pictures done, their wedding starts in less than an hour, and phil wants to talk about their honeymoon?

 

“what do you mean?”

 

“i mean, what if we move the trip to japan up from the new year to, let's say, next week.”

 

dan shakes his head, it's going to be too obvious. “no, we agreed we’d do it in the new year so nobody would get suspicious.”

 

phil groans, looking down. “honeymoons are supposed to be r&r immediately after the wedding, not weeks later.”

 

“you're the one who decided to get married in december.”

 

“dan, please. don't you want to get back to japan sooner? we even decided we were going to hide it for a while, come on. we both know we miss it.”

 

dan sighs, lifting phil’s chin up. “you're lucky i love you.”

 

the smile that grows on phil’s face is worth it.)

 

-

 

the reception, as a whole, is an event in it of itself. 

 

the best thing dan can compare it to is the vidcon party, but better. tyler’s drunk and yelling about the gays, that's nothing new. dan isn't sulking in the corner, in fact, he's on the dance floor with his _ husband _ , he has a  _ fucking husband _ , and he's having the time of his life. 

 

the music starts to get softer, the dj’s voice coming in it's place. “can we clear the floor for the our lovely couple’s first dance?”

 

from seeing other weddings, other couples are incredibly extra, choreographing an entire first dance to impress friends and family. they're not like that. their limbs are too long and dancing for the tour was bad enough. they're not extra. 

 

(yes, they totally fucking are. but not when it comes to dances.)

 

the dance floor is empty save for dan and phil, standing with their arms wrapped around each other. dan sneaks a kiss off of phil’s cheek as the music starts, moving his hands to around his husband’s - HUSBAND HOLY SHIT THEY’RE FUCKING MARRIED - neck. phil smiles, tightening his arms around dan’s waist.  _ dancing in the dark  _ by imagine dragons hits its chorus, and dan silently thanks his past self for choosing this song. 

 

_ if you ever wanna join me baby, i'll be dancing in the dark. _

 

they couldn't agree on a song, there were too many slow songs that they both loved. none of them seemed to fit. all of the typical slow love songs just didn't seem right for them. it wasn't  _ them _ . 

 

dan only found this song because he couldn't get  _ believer  _ out of his head, and on one of his nights of research, he looked into the album it's off of. he turned on  _ evolve _ , smiling all the way through until it hit the final track. it grabbed his attention because it was unlike any of the other songs, starting out softer. the beat is calming, it's something that he'd been looking for for their first song. 

 

needless to say, he showed phil the next morning. and they found their song. 

 

_ most days i'm keeping to myself, living in my little bubble _

_ pushing my weight and moving my body through the sea _

_ you could come join with me _

 

the best part about the song is that you didn't have to listen to it as a romantic song. it had the sound where it's borderline, and dan felt like that's what describes them. throughout the entire time they've known each other, they've always been on the cusp of something. not quite a friendship, yet not quite a relationship.

 

(dan won't admit this but he cried when he first listened to it.)

 

_ if you ever wanna join me baby, i'll be dancing in the dark _

_ baby _

_ dancing in the, baby _

 

the song slowly fades out and phil leans in to peck dan’s lips, kissing his cheek next before pulling away. he grabs his hands, looking towards the ground and smiling. everyone cheers, there's whooping calls and applause. dan honestly forgot they were at their wedding, blushing and hiding his face in phil’s chest. 

 

the dj transitions back to the regular playlist, the dance floor fills back up. phil turns to say something to dan but dan is being pulled away by an incredibly mad and frazzled louise. dan looks over to phil with a sheepish smile, holding up a finger, and tries to look as calm as possible. you know, as calm as one can be when they're getting dragged away from their husband on their wedding day. 

 

“daniel james, you better have a good explanation,” louise grumbles when they finally get outside the venue. “where was the dan in june who was crying over phil not loving you?”

 

dan can hear the music play through the walls, it's muted but the bass and percussion hits too hard, making the ground vibrate. or it feels like that. “things change?” he tries, shrugging. “lou, it's fine. everything is really fine.”

 

louise doesn't believe him, rolling her eyes. “things just don't change in a matter of six months. you guys were all lovey dovey on each other during the ceremony and even just now!”

 

“things have changed!” dan shouts a little too loud, the silence following almost deafening. “things have changed, okay? i swear, i wouldn't be like that in there if they hadn't.”

 

“what's changed?”

 

dan groans, rubbing his hands over his face. “like, two weeks before the wedding? less than a month before the wedding, when tyler said he was coming to england for a wedding, all of our fans assumed it was us. they were right, but i just got so mad, you know? i've been dealing with this one sided love for years and now the fans are finding out about a relationship that's not even  _ genuine.  _ i picked a fight, told phil i could still leave him at the altar.”

 

“dan…”

 

“no, i already know. and then he broke down, i broke down. somewhere in there we kissed, sappy rom com fanfiction shit. he told me he loves me. he's proven it it to me every day since. louise, i swear. things have changed.”

 

louise sighs, finally smiling. “are you happy?”

 

dan opens his mouth to answer before the door opening cuts him off. phil steps out, sliding in next to dan and kissing the side of his forehead. “is everything alright out here?”

 

dan smiles and blushes, leaning his head down into the crook of phil’s neck. “yeah,” he mumbles. “yeah. i don't think i've ever been happier.”

 

-

 

the first night of their honeymoon was just sex. there's really no sugarcoating it, dan feels really bad for their hotel neighbors. because he's loud, phil’s loud when dan's loud. so they're loud, incredibly loud. and giggly and high on love and happiness and they just can't keep their hands to themselves.

 

phil traces shapes on dan’s stomach while his cock is still in his ass, and dan giggles while pushing his hand away. the next round begins, it's another maybe thirty minutes until the giggles return. the cycle continues until dan can barely keep his eyes open, phil sneaks a picture of them right before he's out for the night.

 

dan finds that picture of them in the morning. their photographer emailed him their wedding pictures, and dan is in awe at just how good they look. he figured they would just look like their photoshoots, but these were so much more personal. he saved his favorites to his phone, making a note of showing phil later. 

 

“are you ready to go to breakfast?” phil asks, finishing buttoning up his shirt. 

 

“yeah, just give me a second,” dan calls back, making a last second decision to open twitter. 

 

he starts up a new tweet, going through his photos and choosing four photos. the first one is of them from before the wedding, phil’s head resting in dan’s lap as he played with his then-fiancé’s hair. you can see his engagement ring clearly, but he doesn't care. the next photo is the first looks, where dan is crying while phil kisses his forehead. the third is the kiss at the altar. the last is the photo taken the previous night, love bites lining dan’s collarbones. their wedding rings are clearly visible.

 

dan is finishing up his tweet when phil renters the room. “are you coming?” 

 

“yeah! i just had to finish a tweet,” he presses the send button before locking his phone. “you act like you don't have forever with me.”

 

phil rolls his eyes, leaning forward to kiss his husband. “shut up, i’m hungry and i can't live off your ass.”

 

dan fake gasps, slapping phil’s arm as he leaves the room. he makes a note to not check any social media for the rest of the day, and to have phil do the same. it'll be a lovely surprise to end their day with. he knows that the fans will love their announcement.

 

_ @danielhowell: _

 

_ just hitched #WeMetOnTwitter @AmazingPhil _

 

_ pic.twitter.com/908017519755186177 _

 

**_fin._ **

**Author's Note:**

> follow my own tumblr @astronomerhxwell


End file.
